While worrywarts insist worrying is helpful,
little is solved. They are tormented by their thinking ruts, and stop living
in the present moment. Worrywarts waste important time and energy. Worse
yet, worry begets more worry, setting into motion a vicious cycle of anxiety.
Many of these people want to analyze everything; they become perfectionists.
But their analysis gets in the way of getting things done, moving ahead.
Excessive worrying tends to crowd out everything else, spoiling the day
and sometimes disrupting sleep. You get nowhere by merely telling them,
"Don't worry." However, if you understand the worrywart, it will be easier
to help him or her.
Thinking Habits
Worrywarts have some bad thinking habits. They are not
born with a predisposition to anxious self-talk. They learned it! They
also can change bad thinking habits in the same way they would change any
other habit.
Smart worriers, on the other hand, avoid becoming consumed
by anxiety by studying the perils associated with a worrisome situation,
by recognizing their distress as anxiety, and by bringing themselves back
to the balance. Worrywarts do the opposite. They keep themselves in a state
of agitation. Smart worriers soothe themselves, while worrywarts rile themselves
up.
Worry is an inner dialog called "self-talk," a talking
it over with oneself as a way to cope with bothersome situations. The nature
of that dialog is tremendously powerful in shaping how you feel and what
you do. Worrywart's self-talk is judgmental, critical and scary, keeping
them off-balance and unnerved as it triggers more worry.
Smart worriers talk to themselves the way a friend would.
Friends encourage, give permission and challenge extremes. Thus, smart
worriers become hopeful, think flexibly and look for solutions, even if
they are only partial solutions. And smart worriers accept what can't be
changed.
Help for the Worrywart.
If you recognize the worrrywart type in your group, show
him or her (or them) this article. Or, perhaps, you will want to provide
your own recommendations in getting out of this mental habit. Here are
some hints that have actually helped worrywarts.
Watch How You Worry.
Don't make the mistake of trying to change your worrying
before you understand it. Keep a record of the themes of your worries,
your worrying times and the triggers that initiated the worries. Rate the
degree of each worry and the sensations you feel. List the fears hiding
in that worry. As you write about the worry, you are taking action and
gaining control. You are doing something other than worrying. You'll begin
to understand your habit.
Friendly Talk.
Your ever-present companion-you-causes the worrywart
habit. Get that companion to help you, and talk to you as a friend would.
This is a technique that psychologists find to be quite effective. Have
an internal dialog to help you stop criticizing yourself. Use the internal dialog
to support yourself and make decisions or set goals. The best way to do
this is to imagine what a friend would say. What would he or she say to
soothe you and bring you back to balance? You may want to write your "companion's"
suggestions in a notebook.
The worrywarting habit took years to develop; therefore,
it's not surprising that the self-talk method will take time and effort.
Talk to yourself in an undemanding and pleasant way, just the way a good
friend would talk to you.
Challenge Your Worry.
An unchallenged worrisome thought, repeated over and over,
gains persuasive power through a kind of brainwashing. It becomes so compelling
you forget it is only one way of looking at the situation. Soon you believe
the worry is an established fact. Then, you are convinced of the truth
of your worry. And that's where you're stuck.
However, there's always more than one way to view things.
Challenging a worrisome thought by contemplating a range of equally plausible
points of view keeps the worry from being taken as true. If you see yourself
trapped and helpless, you'll feel depressed; whereas if you look at the
situation as a difficult, but surmountable, challenge, you're likely to
feel hopeful determination.
While it doesn't seem so, it is actually a matter of choice.
You can choose among ways of viewing a worrisome situation by the way you
think about it. You may not be able to control a disturbing event, but
you can control what you say to yourself about it. That's what smart worriers
do, they change their view and how they feel. They actively challenge worrisome
thoughts.
From the notes on your worrying habits, you'll become
more aware of anxiety-provoking automatic thoughts as they occur. Review
the "data" and ask yourself what went through your mind at the time. Then
under the worrisome thought, write the word "Challenges." Do some brainstorming
for alternative views of the situation. You don't even have to be logical. The
main thing is to catch worries and get in the habit of challenging them.
Look for Solutions.
Worry is beneficial provided you worry smart. Smart worry
leads to action, to doing something to improve your situation. Worry that
doesn't lead to action is useless, even destructive. You can be worrying
and not really be aware of it. It just seems to go on automatically while
you're doing something else. You must bring that worry to your conscious
attention before you can find a solution. Then ask yourself, "What am I
really worrying about?" Then ask, "Is there anything I can do about this?";
If the answer to this question is "No," then there is no gain, no benefit
in continuing to worry about it. To continue worrying is worrywarting.
But worry can lead to something productive, so don't be
too quick to answer "No", for this can lead to the feeling of powerlessness
and damage motivation. The fact is, there is almost always something you
can do.
If the answer to the question is "Yes," then begin to
look for solutions. Once again, there's no reason to continue worrying
about it. So let go of the worry and find the solution.
Distract Yourself from the Worry.
The smart worrier focuses on things other than the worrisome
event. There are a number of ways to do this. Engage yourself in something
routine that is pleasant to you, such as taking a walk, driving, cooking
or doing crossword puzzles. There's a fair chance that you'll arrive at
a solution to the problem while disengaging yourself from it.
Another approach to soothe your anxiety is to imagine
positive possibilities to the worrisome problem. Just the change of attitude
can get you thinking in new ways.
One favorite technique is through humor. Think about something
funny related to the problem. Or make a joke out of the uncomfortable situation.
Use your imagination. What you'll be doing is getting off the negative
and focusing on something positive, laughter (or maybe just an internal
giggle). This is a good way to release anxiety.
The main thing, however, is to recognize the worrywart.
It could be you, or it could be someone you supervise. Once you recognize
this debilitating habit, then do something to reverse it. The above hints
are just a start.
